


Honesty is the Hardest Thing

by gyroscopefour



Series: The Adventures of Altan Lavellan [11]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Asexuality, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23524621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyroscopefour/pseuds/gyroscopefour
Summary: Altan Lavellan loses his appetite during times of stress. Dorian tries to help.
Relationships: Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus, Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Series: The Adventures of Altan Lavellan [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551547
Kudos: 25





	Honesty is the Hardest Thing

Dorian came into the tent with a basket of bread and fruits, brushing the snow off his shoulders. “Inquisitor, I brought some food for you.”

Altan barely glanced up from the reports Scout Harding had given him. “Thanks.”

Dorian sat down next to him, waving the basket in front of Altan. “I haven’t seen you eat anything all day.”

Altan sighed, putting the reports down. “Are we really going to do this again?”

“I’m just concerned for your health.”

“I’m not hungry.” Altan’s tone was biting. “You don’t have to concern yourself with my health.”

“Please eat something? For me?”

“See? That’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s not about you. It’s about me. I’ll eat when I’m hungry.”

“You’ve been losing weight, Altan.”

Altan’s stare went icy. He grabbed his heavy cloak. “I’m going on a walk. Don’t follow me.”

Dorian watched him as he left.

Altan walked to the edge of camp and sat down by a tree, leaning against the trunk. The cold wind bit even through his cloak.

He heard footsteps. “I told you not to follow me.”

“Inquisitor?” It was Cassandra. “Why are you not resting?”

“I can rest out here.”

“I’m concerned about you.”

“You and everybody else.”

Cassandra sat down next to him. “What does that mean?”

“Dorian’s giving me shit about eating. And before you go off too, I’m fine. I. Am. Fine.”

Cassandra grunted. “He’s concerned about you.”

Altan leaned on Cassandra. “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t like that he cares about you?”

“I don’t like the comments on my body.”

“I can imagine that would be frustrating.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t want a caretaker. I want a friend.”

“You know, my aunt used to do the same thing to me?”

Altan looked up at her. “Really?”

“She would tell me my shoulders were getting too broad. My arms were too heavily muscled. Apparently, no man will want a woman with more muscles than he.”

“Your aunt didn’t know what she was talking about. You’re beautiful, Cassandra.”

Cassandra laughed bitterly. 

“I’m being serious! You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

Cassandra went silent for a moment. “I- Thank you, Inquisitor. I don’t receive many compliments. Especially not for my appearance.”

Altan leaned his head on her shoulder. “Well, you should.”

Cassandra hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe Dorian doesn’t realize he’s hurting you.”

“I don’t know. I thought it was pretty clear when I got mad that he was hurting me.”

“You’d be surprised. I’ve hurt many people accidentally. It happens. But it can almost always be resolved if you’re honest.”

“I don’t think he understands that when I’m stressed, I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t eat.”

Cassandra sighed deeply, her shoulders rising and falling. “I wish I had some advice for you. I can only empathize. I know the feeling too well.”

Altan gave her a gentle, reassuring nudge. 

“I can only suggest explaining that to him. Dorian may be opinionated, but he’s got an open mind. Especially when listening to the people he respects.”

“Thank you, Cassandra.”

“Anytime, Inquisitor.”

“Cassandra, you have to use my name. I can’t tell you all my secrets only for you to refer to me by some ridiculous title.”

“See? It’s that easy. I did something you didn’t like, and you told me. In personal conversations, I’ll refer to you by your name, Altan.”

“But it’s different with you. We’re friends. My relationship with Dorian is… different.”

“All the more reason for you to be honest.”

“Easier said than done.”

She patted his shoulder. “Take your time.”

“You’re a good friend, Cassandra.”

She sighed. “I don’t know if I’ve had a real friend since I was a child.”

Altan swallowed hard, pretending that comment didn’t make his heart break for Cassandra. “You’ve got one in me.”

Cassandra hugged him. It was uncomfortable from the way they were seated, but Altan leaned into the hug anyway. 

Altan got to his feet and extended a hand for Cassandra. “I’m going to go talk to Dorian.”

Cassandra ruffled his hair. “Good luck, Altan.”

Altan went back to his tent. Dorian was curled up in his bedroll, frowning deeply. When he saw Altan, he sat up.

“Inquisitor.”

“Dorian, look. I’m sorry for leaving, but I- you- you hurt me.”

Dorian’s face immediately softened. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. I know.” He sat down across from Dorian. “But asking me to eat isn’t helping. I feel too sick to eat when I’m worried.”

Dorian looked like he might cry. Altan felt a pang of sympathy. “I’m so sorry.” Dorian’s voice was wet. “What would help?”

“I just need a friend.” He scooted closer and Dorian opened his arms. Altan crawled into his lap and buried his face in Dorian’s neck. “Taking my mind off the stress helps, too. Just- be there for me. My appetite comes back when I relax.”

“I can do that.” Dorian kissed his hair and hugged him tightly. “Can I be honest?”

Altan pulled away to look him in the eye. “Yes?”

“I only push you to eat because I don’t want to see you hurt yourself.”

Altan brought a hand up to Dorian’s face. “I know.”

“No, I just- My mom. She would stop eating. For days.”

Altan’s heart broke a little more for Dorian.

“It started with her skipping meals. Then she would go days without eating. And she got so thin. Too thin.

“Oh, Dorian.”

“I know that’s on me. Not you. But I- I don’t want to see you hurt yourself.”

Altan hugged Dorian close. He hummed soothingly and stroked Dorian’s back. “I promise I’ll never hurt myself.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“But now I know what it means to you. Look.” He picked up a few grapes and forced them down. He swallowed with a grimace.

Dorian smiled at him. “Thank you.”

“Can we go to sleep now?”

“Yes. Rest is important too.”

Altan adjusted his bedroll so it was right next to Dorian’s. 

“You want to be right there?”

Altan tilted his head. “Is that a problem?”

“No. I- No.”

“I like to be close.”

Dorian smiled softly. “I like it when you’re close.”

Altan patted his hand before getting into his bedroll. Dorian followed suit, and Altan shifted so he was close enough to feel Dorian’s body through the thick layers of the blankets. The Frostback Basin didn’t seem so cold, for once.


End file.
